not about youHearing someone say, “it’s not about you,” is a sure sign your ego has gotten in the way.

Arrogance and fear still keep you from learning the simplest and most significant lesson of all…. It’s not about you….Silence your ego and your power will rise.”  The Ancient One in the film, Dr. Strange.

Unfortunately everyone needs ego to navigate their physical existence, thus you cannot exactly silence your ego.  You can learn, however, to recognize and step back from this part of you.  Pausing to examine your story allows you space to choose a response from the authentic self rather than a reaction from the ego.  

Your ego is NOT who you really are.  Ego is the image everyone has of themselves and the mask they put on for others.  Your brain utilizes the ego as a front line defense against vulnerability.  The ego is responsible for the running commentary in your mind, which often you will find is interpreting events in light of potential threats to you or your image.    

What actually trips you up is your reaction to the story the ego tells about the facts. The job of your ego is to be on the lookout to protect and defend you. While the story the ego tells is intended to keep you from harm.  It is the ego’s reaction to fear around the concept of “not enough”.  Often this is really only about the superficialities in life.  Usually it provides only a limited perspective.  In its fear, the ego can misinterpret the facts, even when the situation is not about you.  

However, “When you realize it’s not personal, there is no longer a compulsion to react as if it were.” Eckhart Tolle.

Practice learning to pause long enough to differentiate your ego from your authentic self.

Pause to set an intention to come from the authentic you, and from there you will be virtually unstoppable.


Dr. Cindy Hardwick is the Trusted Leadership Advisor, Consulting & Licensed Psychologist, and ICF Credentialed Coach who brings more than 37 years experience to the arena of individual and interpersonal transformation.

By integrating ancient philosophy with current research and best practices, Cindy serves as a facilitator of meaningful change and restoration for individuals, for their relationships, and for their workplace cultures. She is known for her nonjudgmental approach, her delightful intuition, and her gift of ideation.

Cindy brings her unique personal brand of Consulting and Coaching Psychology to those in positions of leadership and service to others to help them bring the best of who they are to their life and their work. 

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